I just wanted to post this up so everyone could see it so you can all know that yes, I can fuck up, even if I try to pass myself off as another of the crowd that can screw up hopelessly and break her own heart as well as others.

I'm sorry. Steph, I know you've told me you're sick of hearing it, but i am. I'm stupid, I'm a bitch, I'm a forgetful person. I get so wrapped up in certain things I forget about the people I only know through the computer, and tend to stick to my usual reality. Please realise that I don't mean I forget about you guys completely but I just mean I forget to talk to you.

Jezzie, it's been a rediculous amount of time since I've talked to you (and if you even read this) I did get your message on MySpace. However, I was at a friend's house and couldn't respond. You're right. I'm a horrid person because I can't keep in contact with you. I haven't been on Umbre in almost a year now (i'd wager) and I need to stop ignoring you. If everything is already too fucked up between us, I'm sorry that I screwed up what used to be a pretty damn good friendship.

Steph, it's been two months as you said in my last journal. I haven't said anything to you and that's really fucked up, I know. I'm trying to avoid that phraise you hate hearing so much so not to make you angrier at me but really, I am sorry. As I've told you after about a month of not talking to you, I'm a bitch, I'm aware. I'm forgetful and selfish because I only see what's right in front of my face half of the time and I sometimes can ignore the internet for a long period of time. What you said in my pervious journal really did make me cringe because I see the harsh reality of it all.

I just want to warn everyone that watches me, even those I don't deserve and those I know in real life, that after some harsh (well deserved) slaps to the face, I'm going to pull myself away from the computer for a while. I'm going to stay away from hurting people as much as I possibly can...Because I hate reaping what I sew. Worst thing in the world to say, yes, but I'm a coward as well as everything else I've mentioned above. A bloody fucking coward.

I'm going to focus on my day to day life away from the computer more. Meaning my schoolwork, finding a job, getting my drivers licence, and spending more time with my family. The most activity you will find from me untill next summer will be the longer holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm sorry for the people who like to talk to me on here and to everyone I've hurt from my self-absorbed ignoring.

If you never forgive me, Steph and Jezzie, I'll understand.

See you guys near turkey day...

~Madness signing out.